Hindsight: A 2012 Cinematic Retrospective

With yet another year lost to the grasping hands of the past, it's time for us to take a look back at what we were forced to endure over the last twelve months film-wise in the name of the commercialisation of art, demographic-chasing and culture vandalism, as well as those parts which didn't make us suffer the same way. Without any further ado, let's take a look at:

The Top 5 Overrated Films of 2012

This only includes films which I have actually seen. There were a number of other pictures I was interested in but haven't yet watched including Ted, Looper, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Wreck-It Ralph and Les Miserables.

Ridley Scott's true form.

Honourable Mention: Prometheus

Before it was released I thought Prometheus would be a shoe-in for the list, but it turned out almost everyone else thought this film was crap as well despite how absurdly hyped it was. An indecisive creature which, unlike the Engineer-Black Slime hybrid, was not greater than the sum of its parts, director Ridley Scott seemingly couldn't find the balance between the kind of horror-thriller of Alien and the classic sci-fi questioning of something like Blade Runner. Worth watching mostly for the ever-reliable Michael Fassbender's performance as the android David, poor pacing, moronic and undeveloped characters, a repeatedly stupid plot and a finale which spectacularly failed to maintain the stronger elements of mystery established earlier in the film were its main failings.

5. The Avengers

Sorry, Cap.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate The Avengers. When I saw it at release I thought that it was a decent film; above average, certainly. Director Joss Whedon, the king of overrated, did a good job making so many main characters work in a film, although the dearth of female heroes and the general tediousness of the main plot lets it down somewhat. It certainly did a good job of making the Hulk an interesting character by focusing on a well-characterised Bruce Banner performed with aplomb by Mark Ruffalo. However the allocation of the majority of character development solely to Iron Man and the simplistic "opening a portal to let aliens in" storyline didn't match the rest of the film's ambition. And seriously, how long did they spend sitting around on the Helicarrier? Joss did make the correct choice of focusing on Captain America significantly, but overall it was just an okay film; it's not as amazing as it is made out to be. C'mon, that Transformers-esque final battle is hardly award-winning material. Tom Hiddleston's performance as Loki is another strong point worth mentioning, but these strengths just aren't consistent. It's decent, but it's nowhere near as good as people say.

Bilbo who?

4. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

I've already waffled on at length about this film. Suffice to say that while I didn't especially enjoy it at least the critics aren't raving about it. Unnecessarily padded with not enough focus on its title character, incompetent handling of the source material and a dull characterisation of Thorin make the film a rather inadequate offering. I found it surprisingly watchable, and the decision to end the film after the "Out of the Frying Pan Into the Fire" Chapter worked better than I expected but it could have maintained this and been an enjoyable two hour film if all the junk with Old Bilbo and Frodo, Radagast and the White Council had been scrapped. Decent performances clash with some unconvincing CGI, excessive landscape establishing shots and the ever-horrible friction between Professor Tolkien's unique prose style and the rather trite stylings of the Boyens-Walsh scriptwriting team.

3. The Amazing Spider-Man

All over your face.

Oh dear. Now don't get me wrong, Sam Raimi's Spider-Man offerings aren't perfect either, primarily let down by Tobey Maguire's overly shy and reserved performance as Peter Parker which tends to make the films drag. Marc Webb's film with Andrew Garfield in the title role goes too far the other way, however, with a relatively cool and aloof Spidey with whom I wouldn't be surprised if an audience struggled to identify. They rather eliminated the main strength of Spider-Man as an everyman hero. And seriously, where's the funny Spidey of the comics? Spider-Man's a funny guy, but this film gave us nothing but the "small knives" joke really. A boring villain in the shape of Rhys Ifans' the Lizard and an Uncle Ben story lacking in poignancy didn't help. The biggest problem with this film, however, is how long and slow it feels. Multiple-tacked on endings which lack dramatic purpose and a general sense of lethargy deprive the film of the energy and emotional pathos Spidey's origin should probably give us. Emma Stone, as ever, does her best as Gwen Stacy, but in general I cannot fathom how this dull and uninspired film with its fairly lame interpretation of the main character managed to please so many.

Because Skyfall sucked so hard, please
enjoy this crude drawing of Connery as Bond.

2. Skyfall

Yawn. This mishandled snooze-fest of an anniversary instalment for the venerable Bond franchise revels in a success which only emphasises how utterly out of touch modern culture is with its heritage. Featuring Daniel Craig seemingly utterly exhausted as a Bond who has jumped from a relative rookie to a worn-out relic, rubbish supporting characters in the shape of a trendy young Moneypenny and Q, a completely excessive focus on Judi Dench's M and a villain with absolutely no motivation, the film struggles from set-piece to set-piece, beginning as almost a weak pastiche of classic Bond and eventually completely losing its way in a boring drawn-out showdown. In its efforts to question Bond's relevance all it manages to do is portray itself as irrelevant and utterly lacking the timelessness of the franchise's classic instalments, and has only been successful because modern audiences have forgotten what makes Bond good or never knew in the first place.

1. The Dark Knight Rises

TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!!!

A terrifically boring film with an insultingly small-minded plot and limited characterisation, this final instalment of Christopher Nolan's otherwise enjoyable Batman series is an overly-long anticlimax which is so defensive about its genre and undecided as to its identity that it becomes totally pointless by about halfway through its excessive runtime. Featuring Tom Hardy wasted in an undeveloped role, typical mediocrity from Anne Hathaway and an overstuffed protagonist conga line of Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, etc the film goes nowhere and achieves nothing which was not already accomplished by its predecessors, succeeding only in giving some limited sense of closure. I believe an undercurrent of discontent does exist regarding this film but the fact that the Rotten Tomatoes review comment system was single-handedly caused to be overhauled by pre-emptive fanboy insanity regarding any mildly negative review of this disappointing film earns it the dubious honour of being my most overrated film of 2012.

Correctly rated films of 2012

It's not to say that these films were necessarily good, just that they were perceived in a way I consider to be reasonable considering my own experience of them. Once again I haven't seen all the films I wanted so a few didn't make this list.

Rare footage of Toby caught on camera.

Honourable Mention: Paranormal Activity 4

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a fan of the Paranormal Activity franchise but I found this film to be something of a let-down. After three films which had developed a sense of mystery surrounding the family of Katie and Kristi and the doomed legacy of their grandmother and a devious demon named Toby, the fourth film restricted us mainly to more slamming doors and a plethora of invisible death scenes which didn't contribute much to the overall plot. Despite some decent performances from a mostly young cast the characters' willingness to throw themselves stupidly into danger and the general lack of direction render this instalment something of a fizzer.

The Woman in Black

"The next Peter Cushing?"

You may notice a bit of a horror trend emerging here, but The Woman in Black was a film I very much enjoyed. A picture from Hammer Productions more or less in the style of their classic features, the pervasive sense of unease and isolation coupled with chillingly sombre performances from Daniel Radcliffe and Ciarán Hinds formed the foundation of a worthy successor to the Edwardian horror dramas of old. Eschewing oodles of gore and frantic action for suspense and the occasional, confronting intrusion of the grotesque (I'm thinking of the lye-drinking incident, for instance) its refreshing reconnection with the styles of the past and a decidedly ambiguous ending render it one of the stronger genuine horror experiences I've encountered in recent years.

There was no way I was going to attempt
to draw Kate Beckinsale. Just pretend
this is "the absence of Bill Nighy"
or something.

Underworld: Awakening

I'm not going to pretend that the Underworld films are anything other than trashy action films, but (with the possible exception of the third one) they deliver exactly what you want: Kate Beckinsale in a tight outfit killing vampires and werewolves in a hilariously over-the-top manner. Thankfully eliminating the boring Michael character the film makes no mistakes about the need to get immediately to the straightforward supernatural massacres and a plot so cliché you could sell it wholesale. It doesn't outstay its welcome whatsoever with an appropriately slim runtime of eighty-eight minutes and serves up a perfectly distilled slice of Underworld entertainment. I'm not saying it was a great film. I'm not even saying it was a good film. But it did what it had to do.

The Cabin in the Woods

"Groovy."

Oh no, more horror! Severely delayed after its 2009 production, I was lucky enough to catch this during an extremely limited Australian release. It suffers, of course, from the same problems as most Joss Whedon productions, which is to say that its self-aware po-mo irony means it has its head about as far up its arse as it can go, but despite its staggering pretentiousness it still manages to be a solid deconstruction of the genre. Earning bonus points for strong allusions to Sam Raimi's timeless Evil Dead franchise, solid performances all-round and an unashamedly "down" ending, it succeeds in questioning where horror is going and how meaningful its modern origins are. It's not brilliant but it didn't horribly offend me so there you go.

He wasn't in this film, but here's a picture
of Gromit anyway. Everyone loves Gromit.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

Renamed The Pirates! Band of Misfits out here for some reason, this cheery Aardman production continues to uphold Aardman's reputation for good humour, subtlety and top notch voice acting. Featuring particularly worthwhile performances from Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman and David Tennant its hodge-podge stew of classic pirate tropes, Enlightenment-era scientific issues and timeless themes of the value of friendship and fun make it a charming little piece. If I was to criticise anything it would perhaps be the slightly overwrought Queen Victoria character who is a bit of a typical Aardman crazy screaming shrew, and the final action-based showdown not quite living up to the generally situation-based humour of the majority of the film. Nonetheless it's a worthy instalment in Aardman's ongoing film repertoire.

Seven Psychopaths

Walken will appear in anything if he has time.
Even a terrible drawing by me.

Extremely funny, with a terrifically humorous self-awareness and some particularly stellar performances from Christopher Walken and Sam Rockwell, this offering from Martin McDonagh is everything that a solid comedy should be. Its interesting story and ridiculously eccentric characters transform the regular cliché of a struggling writer into something memorably hilarious, with some rip-snorting imaginary sequences which blend the line between reality and fantasy in a satisfyingly absurd way. Rife with oodles of violence and profanity, its every over-the-top quality contributes to an amusing and cutting comment on the pitfalls of writing and the utter alienation of modern life.

"...I am the Law. Screw you."

Dredd

Most people when they hear about Judge Dredd unfortunately think about the widely-hated 1995 film starring Sylvester Stallone, which may have been responsible for this great production not getting the full attention it deserved. Featuring a plot which actively avoided being over-ambitious and a memorably stoic and dry performance from the dependable Karl Urban as Dredd himself, it was one of the best action films of the year and far more deserving of success than many of the other dreary comic book blockbusters which emerged in 2012. Its excellent production and effects characterised a ruthlessly violent, utterly debased world with aplomb. For these reasons I shall award it my "best film of 2012" award. *scattered applause*

By the way, The Artist is technically a 2011 film but it's very good too. You probably wouldn't get it, though.